BECKY TALKS "STRENGTHS" IN RELATIONSHIPS

Becky JB Hammond | Isogo | Producer. Integrator. Seeker.

Achiever*Arranger*Learner*Belief*Connectedness


I have the dream-gift to be on a professional adventure in which I get to do what I love to do every day. In my work with teams, groups, and Individuals, I use the concept of directing our natural Talents at achieving the outcomes we dream of. And, over the past 7 years since I was first introduced, I have seen the power and beauty of Strengths impact lives, outcomes, and relationships. I love sharing this tool, this gift.

For me, though, before the professional commitment came the personal connection. And really, the inceptional and exceptional impact of “Strengths” in my life has to start with a story.  So, here is the scenario...

It is 6:30PM on a Monday evening in late 2006. I have been home just a few moments before David, my husband, walks in the door. I am already busy at work, and we find ourselves with different perspectives on the same moment in time.

My perspective:

I am working happily and steadily, both at my computer and in the kitchen. Closing out a day of work, while doing dishes, making dinner, and prepping lunch for the next day. I am focused on my tasks and David, who is leaning against the counter behind me, is not doing…anything. I’m engaged in the conversation—I rattle off the to-dos of the evening and ask him about his day. He doesn’t get up to help when he sees dishes are piled high. Instead, he tells me while I work. We could get a lot more done if he stepped in to help.

David’s perspective:

I am excited to finally be home and be with the one I love. Glad to fill a glass of water and stop in the kitchen to chat. It is hard to talk to the back of a head…but I try anyway. Becky is working on dinner, so her silence allows me the time to debrief and process my day. I walk over for a kiss and she barely looks me in the eye before returning to her work. We could connect so much deeper if she just slowed down for a few minutes.

Same situation, huge disconnect.

We did not feel that different from each other—both were adventurers, God-followers, committed to the same values. Both professionals working in careers. We both could not see why we would each ask for such unreasonable things from each other. We could not see that we really were not all that similar. It was as if we were both silently singing a song in our own heads—belting it out dramatically even—expecting the other person to guess or just know the tune. 

Our differences were the internal and the invisible Talents that filter our view of the world.

Then, in early 2007, we providentially stumbled upon a new language—the language of Strengths through the Gallup(R) StrengthsFinder(R). And this language—as we studied and learned to navigate it—it changed that scenario standing in our kitchen.

So for us, one of my strongest Talent Themes is ACHIEVER and one of his strongest is RELATOR.

An ACHIEVER has stamina, an internal drive and enjoys lists and getting things done. A RELATOR enjoys close relationships and deep one-on-one connections. With this insanely simple yet new and enlightening understanding of my husband, all of a sudden I was able to hear his internal song—the one he had been singing in his head all along. And, something amazing happened—that understanding opened me to making space for grace in my interaction with him. And now, he hears my song too, and I’m understood by him. I understand now—he is not wired like me, but he is wired intentionally and innately, with so much talent that I just did not understand.


So now (and not without failing of course!)...

...instead of getting frustrated by him not helping get things done, I can ask him, knowing that it is not natural for him to notice the “tasks” that need to be done.

...instead of ignoring his need for deep connection, I can add that to my list and stop and be with him.

...instead of standing there and not engaging in the work, he can take note to ask the best way to help, since he knows that speaks to me and gets time with me at the same time.

...instead of missing my need to get things done and getting frustrated in the process, he can ask when it would be a good time to connect since I might not see that as a to-do in the day.


I know what I bring and he knows what I bring. Stamina, lists, drive, getting things done.

He knows what he brings and I know what he brings. Deeper level of intimacy, time to connect and grow together. 

And that was the beginning, the impact, the way it all started for me. With a personal story of Talent and Strength and the opening for grace.

And that is where there is power in Strengths in impacting all lives, personal and professional. They provide a common language to bring that song inside your head, out in the open—to be blasted over loudspeakers or into the ear buds of the ones you hold closest. It turns that internal and invisible Talent that you are wired with into something that is palpable, external, and visceral; something that others around you can hear and understand and appreciate—the unique, successful, strong you.

Becky Hammond is an consultant, coach, speaker, and advocate for talent. To learn more about Becky and her company Click here. 

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